In today’s world, there are many men who step into an ‘instant family.’
They may be dating, living with or married to a woman who is a single mother, a woman who has a child or children from a previous relationship.
To those men who knowingly and willingly step in to help raise those children, good for you. It takes a degree of selflessness and care to knowingly and willingly step up to the mark and be a strong, masculine, positive role model to children that you know were fathered by someone else.
I’ve done it…twice.
Once to find out that it was a recipe for disaster.
When it’s good, it’s very good, but when it comes to establishing boundaries, you cop it from all sides:
‘You’re not my dad’ from the kids.
‘You can’t tell them what to do’ from their mother, and the crazy eyes from the ex because you are spending time with his children, while he’s restricted to a couple of weekends a month.
The second time was worse than the first which confirmed it for me…never again.
Maybe date the mother casually, but don’t get involved with the kids.
I got emotionally invested in the children, only to have my heart ripped out when I broke up with their mother, and the kids had to go through the emotional upheaval of another relationship ending.
So, for the guys who are in a relationship raising another man’s children, and find it to be a rewarding experience, this article is not aimed at you.
This article is for the men out there who are working hard to raise a family, where they believe the children are theirs…or are they?
In these uncertain economic times, where we are hopefully at the tail end of a global pandemic and the world is hopefully getting back to a degree of normality, many families have been put in a situation of severe financial stress, where one or both parents have either lost their jobs or taken a significant pay cut.
Many experts are claiming that lots of relationships are at breaking point and that domestic violence is at an all time high.
As sad and tragic as it is, it isn’t surprising. When you confine people to their homes for a number of days and weeks, with financial uncertainty and stress, arguments are bound to erupt from time to time.
Insecurities rise to the surface and doubts about a partner’s faithfulness bubble up, especially if little Johnny doesn’t have the same eye or hair color as daddy and doesn’t quite look like his brother or sister.
Even when these doubts are unfounded and no one has cheated, stress causes doubts to creep in and accusations to be made.
And often, these doubts are not that unreasonable.
Let’s look at some statistics (and if you have read many of the articles on this site, you are going to see these numbers come up again and again):
[stats summary with links]
Here’s the problem:
Every woman knows that the child she gave birth to, is hers…a man doesn’t have that certainty.
Maybe he works away a lot…and she gets lonely.
Maybe when they go to a party or barbecue, she has a few drinks and likes to flirt with different men.
Maybe he doesn’t give her much attention anymore.
Maybe they are arguing…a lot.
Maybe they have said things in the heat of the moment that have raised doubts in the relationship.
Maybe they are always breaking up and getting back together.
Maybe he’s insecure.
Maybe she’s cheated before.
Maybe he’s paranoid…
But what if one, or more of the children he is raising, and paying for, isn’t his?
Before he slaps her,
Before he accuses her of something terrible (like cheating)
Before he disowns the children,
Before he leaves the family,
Before he causes irreparable damage to the family…rightly or wrongly…
Wouldn’t it be better to know for certain if his doubts are real, or if he needs some help with his insecurities?
So many governments (state & federal) are trying to make it difficult (even illegal) for men to get the answers they desire and deserve.
It isn’t surprising when the statistics suggest that so many fathers are raising children that aren’t their own.
As a man, don’t you deserve to know the truth, regardless of what the law says?
Don’t you have the right to make a decision and choice based on the facts?
Of course you do.
That’s the importance of paternity tests.
They remove the guesswork so you are dealing with facts, not rumor and paranoia.
Alternatively, if you are having doubts about whether you are the child’s father or not, isn’t it important to know for sure, so the child gets the love they deserve?
After all, 2 out of 3 men who don’t think they are the father, are wrong.
But 1 in 3 men who thought they weren’t the father, were right.
Once you know for sure, you can make an informed decision.
Until you know for sure, you’re guessing.
If your doubts are unfounded and the child is yours, you can then get help to let go of your insecurities so that you can love the child unreservedly and be the best dad you can be.
Whatever the result, you deserve to know and the child deserves to know the truth.
Sometimes the truth can be painful, but the truth is still the truth.
You can’t put a price tag on peace of mind.
So, to find out the truth for yourself, order your paternity test by clicking the link here